The Curator: Dispatches from The Sea of Tranquility
Vacation anxiety, the end of the world, and releasing our pact with capitalism.
If there is one thing I've learned about myself on vacation, it’s that I can find anxiety in even the most relaxing places.
Relaxing, it turns out, is hard work.
I got married and went on honeymoon last week. I took seven (seven!) full workdays off. We were gone from home for nine (nine!) days. This is the longest I’ve been away from home since 1 BC (before COVID that’s how we tell time now right?). We went to a place in Mexico built for relaxing - heated pools with cushy loungers, swim-up bars, all-inclusive 24-hour food service, and not a single child. Our goal was to literally do the least.
On the first day there I googled
why can’t I relax on holiday
By the number of results, I am clearly not alone in this affliction.
(I am also concerned for the number of people who apparently can’t poop, cry, or find someone on Facebook).
My daily home life is so packed full of things (most of us, right) - working like I’m being chased and cleaning always, and in between that writing and gyming and cooking (?) and technology-ing and going going going that my nervous system was like woah bitch did you have a mainframe meltdown why aren’t you worried about eight things right now…
So like maybe lying down unoccupied wasn’t the best choice. I needed some books for all this water I would be sitting in. So of course what do I do? Pick an existential story about moon travel and plague avoidance, fate, time, death, and love to keep me occupied.
Fabulous. Sea of Tranquility it is!
The irony is not lost on me that I selected a book with tranquil in the title for my vacation. And eventually, I got there (the swim-up bar didn’t hurt). By the third day, I was able to momentarily release my pact with capitalism and become truly unproductive. I did answer some Substack emails cuz I can’t quit you but otherwise, I did not contribute to the GDP beyond our generally costly existence at the resort. All I got was a hard system reboot of that nervous system, baby!
However, the books I read did, in some ways, contribute to my existential anxiety. Vacation forces you to look critically at how you spend your finite life, and I didn’t exactly make soothing reading choices. I was so panicked about making the wrong choices that instead I just made weird ones. Perhaps I was also slightly punishing myself for having a fancy vacation while people on the other side of the world were losing their entire families to horrific violence. The perk of hustle culture is ignoring uncomfortable feelings. When you stop hustling, it all surfaces!
Both books this week are speculative epics that barter in borrowed time. They deal with life-altering plagues, the insidious nature of technology, and unimaginable loss. While they may have been emotional reads, they gave me something to think about instead of wallowing in my own existential dread (so dramatic!).
If I have one piece of advice this week, it is TAKE THE VACATION. Your nervous system will thank you.
FURTHER READING →
I should have read this Vacationing 101 article before leaving the house.
The Modern Mrs Darcy gives some tips on choosing your vacation library.
And Forbes reminds us that taking a vacation could save your life.
REVIEW →
Sea of Tranquility by Emily St. John Mandel
Once again, Ms. Mandel has written a perfect book. 10/10 no notes.
In the Sea of Tranquility, we follow a group of linked strangers across centuries, planets, and plagues. Mandel makes nods to previous titles by leading us down Station Eleven & The Glass Hotel wormholes. A detective investigates the possibility all of life is a simulation.
Sometimes you read books where the plot is so compelling you have to keep reading (Slaughter, Penny). Or sometimes it’s the stories whose characters are so interesting you just want to keep hanging out with them into eternity (Egan, Patchett). Then there are compulsions. Books that seep like warm bath water into the crevices of your brain and heart and
OK I’ll chill it’s not that serious but I just really FEEL something when I read Mandel’s books.
I saved Sea for my vacation specifically. I wanted to spend time in it - hours at a time, not just pockets here and there between work and washing something. Mandel’s writing is sparse but dense in meaning. Every sentence means something but is also a joy to read. She deserves full attention.
Counting off a hundred paces might calm him - counting has always calmed him - and if he walks straight for the full hundred then surely he can’t get lost. Getting lost is death, he can see that. No, this whole place is death. No, that’s unfair - this place isn’t death, this place is indifference. This place is utterly neutral on the question of whether he lives or dies; it doesn’t care about his last name or where he went to school; it hasn’t even noticed him. He feels somewhat deranged.
This book is also brilliantly plotted. Strands of interconnected narrative weave expertly and in surprising ways. When in Mandel’s hands, there is nothing more satisfying than watching the web take shape.
But the real genius is how she captures the essence of humanity and in so few words. Just like Station Eleven, Mandel creates turns of phrase that feel so simple and so profound. My favorite, an intrusive thought - we knew it was coming. And everyone wants the same thing no matter the time or place - to feel safe, loved, and fulfilled.
I have zero desire to ruin this novel for you, so I will stop there. But I can’t recommend this book enough. If you’ve read it and have thoughts to comment please do because I could fan girl all day.
Moodometer: For when you need reminding that you can’t escape your future so you might as well live now.
For Fans of: Cloud Atlas by David Mitchell
Rating: I give this a 5 Stars for Convergence
***
How High We Go In The Dark by Sequoia Nagamatsu
After wading through a few other choices, I handed my vacation over to another speculative epic that deals with (what else) a plague. Just like Sea of Tranquility, How High is a novel of interconnected stories across time and space. It suggests that humanity is its own downfall - curiosity and science killed the cat and then resurrected it as a robot. How terrifying!
Yet at its core, this book is about hope and second chances, however temporary: A scientist who fails to save his son gets a second chance to be a father - to a talking pig; a man with no life prospects falls in love with a mother and her dying child; a father and son hear their deceased wife/mother’s voice left inside a (dying) robotic dog. The future - for everyone - is so uncertain, and yet, literally, the world keeps spinning (somehow).
The most memorable story is by far the euthanasia rollercoaster. Almost every review mentions it for good reason. I had tears slowly dripping down my face on the airplane - I just couldn’t hold back, and I HATE crying in public! It wrecked me.
How High We Go In The Dark left me feeling scared and hopeful, wary of technology but also grateful for its possibilities. While the characters may have been somewhat less compelling, and the stories a bit weirder than my favorites in the genre, I still highly recommend to anyone interested in spec eps. Bang up job!
Moodometer: For when you need faith it all means something important.
For Fans Of: Am I allowed to say Station Eleven by Emily St. John Mandel?
Rating: I give this a 4 Stars for Emotional Rollercoasters
READING →
My Sea of Tranquility hangover had me treating books like breakfast drinks - ordering three at a time and no thirst satisfied.
I got about 1/3rd of the way through Kate Atkinson’s Case Histories and paused for vacation. There are multiple converging stories and none have gripped me quite yet, but giving it another go now that the entertainment stakes aren’t so high.
I got halfway through Louise Penny’s A Fatal Grace before reading about snow while drinking Aperol spritz at the pool started getting to me. Will also re-up on this one now that it gets below 60* (at night).
Was having serious FOMO so hopped on the Britney Spears' The Woman in Me memoir train to crazy town [ok that’s unfair she’s been through a LOT]. The early reviews are correct though - Michelle Williams does a superb impression of Justin Timberlake pretending to be “hood”.
LISTENING →
at Culture Study asked what everyone was listening to for fall. Some great crackly reader suggestions will have you feeling like the main character. WATCHING →
The Great British Bake-Off because we all could use some sweet baby angel Brits politely having cake meltdowns and just hoping to impress Paul and Prue enough to make it to pastry week.
BUYING →
I received this Hocus Pocus Lego set from my family as a birthday gift and as a 37-year-old woman in need of a toy, it’s everything I ever dreamed of. I would never buy something this impractical for myself which makes it that much more special.
LINKS →
Halloween may be over by the time this gets to you readers, but it’s never over in my heart. So…
Wish you had a Skelly, the 12-ft skeleton from Home Depot? Your homeowner’s association doesn’t!
Bookshop.org rounded up the best Halloween TBRs from bookshops around the site, including my favorite “light as a feather, stiff as a board” by Booksarebrainfood which includes Rouge, Our Wives Under the Sea, and Our Share of Night.
NEW BOOKS →
Absolution by Alice McDermott - It’s about the American wives of the Vietnam War. Ann Patchett calls this “one of the finest contemporary novels I’ve read. It is a moral masterpiece” and I’m SOLD.
When I’m Dead by Hannah Morrissey - Morrissey is somewhat of a bookstagram celebrity and I just love to see all us gals (and guys) supporting each other. The gang raves about her Black Harbor mystery series, with this being the third (non-consecutive) installment, but being the purist I am, I may have to go back to book #1 before I get to this one. “A dark and twisted tale of love, loss, regret and revenge, When I'm Dead is Hannah Morrissey at her best." - Stacy Willingham
The Reformatory by Tananarive Due - I’ve been meaning to read Due’s The Good House for ages but I’ve been a bit chickenshit about it - the reviews are scary. But with only rave reviews for the new one, maybe this is the place to start: "The writing here is spectacular; the pacing, engrossing; the setting, heartbreaking but honest; and the characters are given a nuance and depth rarely seen... A masterpiece of fiction." - Library Journal
Edith Holler by Edward Carey - Look, burn me once, shame. Burn me twice, more shame. Burn me three times, masochist. This man’s books get me with their gothic promises, but the first two I tried didn’t do it for me (Observatory Mansions and Heap House, one of the strangest books ever written about trash). Maybe Edith will be the magic ticket: "Edith Holler is a masterpiece. Carey's prose teems with wonderfully twisted humor and play, breathing life into the spirits that haunt its gothic framework. It is that special novel that makes you wonder why there aren't more like it. The answer, of course, is that there is just one Edward Carey. Edith Holler is singular--a dark delight from beginning to end." - Erika Swyler
RESTACK OF THE WEEK →
The best thing I’ve read about dealing with the Isreal/Palestinian war in context as an American who has lived through 9/11 but also the media manipulation of every event ever.
“I also once believed that being hyper-informed about every horrific and heartbreaking and fucked-up thing in the world was like the rent I had to pay for my privilege.” SOUNDS FAMILIAR.
LET’S CHAT →
This week, let me know how you’ve been dealing with the anxiety of the times and if you have any good recommendations for a bit of escapism.
Or per ush, let me know what you’ve been reading in the comments. I’m always game for a good rec (or warning, grievances, etc. ). If you tell me your favorite TV show or movie lately, I’ll give you a book recommendation.
In Case You Missed It 🖤
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See you around the bookshelf!
Natalie
Thanks for another high-energy and reader-inspiring edition. I can’t keep up with you, but thanks to your earlier discussion of Demon Copperhead I decide I had to read it. Half way through. It is great!
I just read Station Eleven for the first time in April and loved it. You're making me more curious about the rollercoaster story, I've read some reviews that mention that too